It Might Have Been
by Spencer x Reid x 143
Summary: Spencer Reid x Original Character: This is not your average love story, it is what might have happened if I had trusted my heart instead of my brain. Spencer... It is all my fault... The rating is T right now, but it will go up to M for later chapters :D
1. Chapter 1

**What Might Have Been**

**By Spencer x Reid x 143**

**AN: Hello, everyone, this is the first chapter of my first story :D**

**this hasnt been beta-ed so if there are any mistakes, please let me know**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of it's characters, I only own my Original Character :D**

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""For of all sad words of tongue or pen The saddest are these 'it might have been'"

A line from the poem "Maud Muller" by John Greenleaf Whittier."

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My name is Azrael-Freya Tristessa, and this is a story about what might have been if I had followed my heart instead of my head. As most love stories start, once upon a time, mine does not. Mine starts with a boy and girl. Now, this isn't your classic love story, where the boy finds the girl and falls hopelessly in love with her and they all live happily ever after, no. Mine is a much more tragic tale.

It was May 7th, 1986. I had just been born on this stormy day, when my father decided that he did not want me, due to the fact that my mother gave her life to give me mine. I was lucky. He opted not to send me to an orphanage, but give me to my grandmother on my mother's side, so he would no longer have to see me. When he took me to her, it was almost as if the angels came down from heaven and began to sing. She took me into her house, correction, mansion, like I was her own daughter. Now, she was a little different from your normal elderly folk. She was, what my friend would like to call, a Lifestyle Lolita, which was a person, usually a female, who lived like the people in the Victorian ages. Yes, that meant that she dressed in Victorian clothes, which means I did as well, had manners of a noble Victorian woman, which she taught me, and lived in a huge Victorian mansion, which I would now call my home. I still dress in intricate Lolita dresses and treat others like I am a noble lady, despite my current job.

He grew up in a completely different life style from mine. He was from Los Vegas, which meant, he didn't live in the luxuries I had growing up. His mother, a genius literature professor at an university, who read to him almost every book that was ever published, was diagnosed with schizophrenia, when he was still young, which caused his father to abandon his only son and wife. When he was 18, he sent his mother away to a sanitarium. He still writes to his mother every day, telling her stories about the dangerous job he does, for he is afraid to go and visit her. He joined the FBI as the youngest profiler ever.

Of course, I don't want to sound like a snob in saying that I grew up better than him, because, in a sense, I didn't. After all, I didn't know how to work a TV or an iPod before I met him, heck; I was still listening to the record player my grandmother got me for my 12th birthday. Of course, he had never been to Madame Butterfly, so we taught each other about the good things that each of our lives were missing.

Anyway, this story takes place in the past, but not too far back.

It was June, 17th, 2009, when I first met him. It wasn't one of those romantic moments when as soon as you see him, you immediately fall in love with him, and he falls in love with you. In fact, the first time I met him, we knocked each other over. I was walking down the hall ways, looking for the office of Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner; he was running down the same hall, looking for the same person I was. I looked down to the piece of strawberry scented paper, which I had written an office number on, then I looked up, and I was on the floor. He was laying on top of me, in a compete daze, repeating 'I'm sorry', his voice squeaking. He was tall and skinny, with the deepest chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen. He helped me to get up, then we shook hands, and he told me his name. He then continued to run-walk down the hall, no doubt being more careful than he was before.

I watched as he continued to run down the hall, bumping into a few more people before he escaped my sight range. "Excuse me, can I help you?" a deeper, male voice, asked from behind me, I spun around to face the voice, and to my luck, there stood Agent Hotchner. "Hello, Agent Hotchner, I'm Freya Tristessa, nice to meet you." I said, extending my hand, which he shook, then he showed me to his office, where we sat and talked about what I would be doing, now that I was a consult for the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit.

Recently, there had been an uptake in forms of sexual sadism in serial killers, and that is why I had been called in. You see, I just happen to be an expert in Anthropophagy, which is cannibalism, Thanatophilia, which is necrophilia, and Sadomasochism, which is both sadism and masochism. I'm not a profiler, I don't have any special titles, and I don't get a gun or badge. I'm simply one of those smart people you call in to help you with something no one else is qualified to do. Sorry if that was a little too much to take in. Basically, I help catch people like Ted Bundy, but I don't go out and chase people like Ted Bundy, I just help the people who do.

As you can probably tell by now, this isn't your average love story, and it gets better.

My first day on the job, I was shocked to see the man who had knocked me over in the hall, was apart of the team I was joining! Sure, I figured that he worked for the BAU, but he looked far too young to be an agent! I guess I shouldn't be talking, seeing as I look like I'm 14, even though I'm 24.

When I stepped into the bullpen, where everyone on the team was currently working on paperwork of some sort, I immediately headed for Agent Hotchner's office. He assembled the team in the conference room, with me standing at the head of the room with him, and the rest of the team sitting around the large round table in the middle of the room. He was the last one to walk in and take a seat, but as soon as he recognized me as the girl he had knocked down, his face turned beet red, and he turned away, hoping that no one noticed that his face had turned 6 shades redder than its usual tone. No one seemed to notice, or if they did, they didn't point it out.

Everyone was staring at me. I don't have a fear of crowds, I have a fear of the blonde with blue eyes, who was glaring daggers at me for no reason that I could think of...other than making the man who ran me over blush.

"Can I please have everyone's attention?" Agent Hotchner said, causing everyone in the room to look at him and me. "I would like to introduce you to the newest addition to our team, Miss. Azrael-Freya Tristessa."

"Hello, everyone. You can call me Freya if you like." I said, smiling at the man who knocked me over, he smiled back, causing the blonde to glare at him. He sunk back into his chair. "Freya, this is Emily Prentiss, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, and Dr. Spencer Reid." Agent Hotchner said, each person waving to me as their name was called out. Everyone, that is, except the blonde who I know is Jennifer Jareau. "Reid. You will be in charge of her. Show her around, introduce her to some people, oh, and she isn't a FBI agent, so she doesn't have a gun."

The man who knocked me over, Dr. Spencer Reid, stood up and walked over to me, as everybody else left the room, including Jennifer, who shot me another glare before leaving me and Dr. Reid in the room.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Spencer Reid." He said, shaking my hand and smiling at me. "You can call me Spencer if you like."

"Hello, Spencer. Nice to meet you again."

He let out a nervous laugh "Yeah, sorry for knocking you down in the hall."

"It's ok."

"If you don't mind me asking, did you grow up in Japan?" He asked, pulling out a chair for me to sit down in. I looked at him, shocked. Not because he asked if I grew up in Japan, but because he pulled my chair out, it was almost as if...

"I only ask, because the Lolita fashion subculture is usually found in Japan." He said, almost as if he was reading it.

"I didn't grow up in Japan, my grandmother did, how- where did you learn about Lolita?"

"I read it in a book." Dr. Reid said, as if the answer was obvious. "And based on the color of your Lolita, you're a casual Ama-Loli, but you follow the Lolita lifestyle based on how you sit straight up, and I've never seen you slouch."

I stared at him for a moment before asking, "I've never worked with profilers before, are all profilers this good?"

"Usually yes, but most wouldn't be able to figure out that you are a Lolita."

"Spencer?" I timidly asked, trying not to turn around and have to look at Jennifer who glared at me through the glass door of the conference room as she walked by. "Is Jennifer Jareau always seem so mean, or is it just me?" I ask timidly, trying not to seem too worried by her razor-sharp glares.

"She is glaring at you?" He asked, his voice raising an octave or two. "I've never seen her do that before." Spencer said, looking at me, shock evident in his eyes. "It's ok." I said, then he stood up, and reached his hand out to me, which I took and he helped me out of my chair. "Chivalry is something that should never die." Spencer said, holding the door open for me as we walked out of the conference room, him showing me around.

After the 'tour' was over, he showed me to my desk, which was right across from his desk. "Hey, I was looking for you." Jennifer said, walking over to my desk, carrying a rather large stack of paper work. I stood up and held out my hand so she could shake it, but she ignored my hand, instead plopping the large stack of papers on my desk. "You need to fill these out. We have to file them by tomorrow, so you should stop playing around and start on the work." She said, turning around and walking back into a room, which I assume to be her office. Spencer starred at Jennifer with an open mouth, no doubt surprised by her behavior towards me. I looked at the paperwork and sighed. This was going to be a long night.

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Dear Diary,

June, 17th, 2010

It was my first day on the job, and I was so excited. I got ran into in the hall by Dr. Spencer Reid. He seems nice, but I think that Jennifer Jareau likes him. He seems to be around my age, but I don't want to be rude and ask him how old he is. I have to go now, Diary, Jennifer gave me a bunch of papers for me to fill out. It was nice of her to give them to me, so I wouldn't have to go looking for them. Bye!

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**AN: Well, thats my first chapter. Please review my story, I do not mind flames, they help me to get better :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: : No reviews, but I did get a few subscriptions :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters, I only own Freya and my crazy mind :D**

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"Freya." Spencer said, walking over to my desk. I look at the clock. 7:24 p.m. I then looked around the bullpen. Empty. I turn my attention back to Spencer. "Sorry, I must have lost track of time." I said, as Spencer helped me get out of my chair. I grabbed the remaining paperwork, neatly placed them in my Teddy Bear shaped purse, and followed Spencer to the elevator. He hit the parking lot button, and I hit the ground button. "What about your car?" Spencer asked.

"I walked. I like to take the time to admire the weather." I said, looking from the floor of the elevator to the roof, then back to Spencer, taking deep breaths. "Claustrophobic?" He asked, looking at me. I nodded and took a deep breath. Just then, the elevator dinged. "Good night." He said, getting off the elevator. "Good night..." I said as the elevator doors closed. I sat down on the dirty elevator floor for the rest of the trip down. When I reached the ground floor, I walked out of the building and into the night air. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the cool air. I then began my walk back home. I knew that it wasn't safe for a girl to be walking the streets alone at night, but I didn't really care. I was happy, just happy. I finally made it home at around 10:00 p.m. I climbed the stairs to my apartment and turned the key.

I stumbled into my two bedroom apartment, I took off my black Mary Jane flats by the door, and walk into my bedroom, placing my Teddy Bear shaped purse on my bed next to my favorite Teddy Bear, and walked into my bathroom to take a nice relaxing bubble bath, before starting on the pile of paperwork. I look at myself in the mirror. With my curly bleach blonde hair and my emerald green eyes, some people said that I looked like a China Doll. I guess I was one of those lucky girls who were born with good looks, and didn't have to wear too much make-up to get the guys. I took out my contacts and put them in the cleaning solution. My father hated me because I looked too much like my mom, my grandmother commented on that quite often, but with my contacts off, I was just another blurry face in a mirror.

I stayed up late finishing all of the paperwork. I was going to be tired tomorrow, that I couldn't help, but I could stop myself from looking at my cell phone every few moments, waiting, hoeing, that Spencer would call. Not that I wanted him to call me, I just...wanted him to call me? Before I went to bed, I had a nice hot cup of tea. But, I couldn't fall asleep; my mind began to replay everything that happened today, getting run over in the hall, meeting Spencer, and getting glared at by Jennifer. I cast everything out of my mind and tried to get some sleep.

I woke up around 3:00 a.m. I didn't need to be up this early, but there was no way that I could get back to sleep, now that I was up. I went into my closet to pick out the dress that I would wear to work. I finally settled on a pink and white Lolita dress with red hearts all over it. It was my favorite dress. I grabbed my black shawl and black shoes and went into my bathroom to put on my make-up and fix my unruly blonde curls. I grabbed the stack of paper work that I had finished some time during the night, and started my walk to work.

Everyone was already at their desks when I got there, but I wasn't late. I walked to Agent Hotchner's office and knocked on the door. "It's open." He said from the other side of the door, I walked into the office and over to his desk. "Hello, Agent Hotchner, I finished the paper work." I said, handing the stack of papers to him. "They didn't have to be filed until next week." He said, taking the stack of papers and placing them in a tray. Jennifer lied...maybe. Maybe she didn't know that they didn't have to be finished until next week.

"Well, there's nothing like getting it done before it stacks up." I said, walking out of the office and closing the door behind me, and almost running into Spencer. "Oh, hello, Freya." Spencer said, moving out of my way, "We have a case; I'll meet you in the conference room?"

"Ok, Spencer." I said, heading off towards the conference room.

A few moments later, everyone was sitting in the conference room, getting ready for the briefing. "Oh my gosh! You were right! She looks just like a doll!" A slightly overweight woman with blonde hair exclaimed, upon entering the room. Agent Morgan gave the woman a look that clearly stated 'what the hell was that'. "Hi, I'm Penelope Garcia, the technical analyst." Penelope Garcia said, shaking my hand. Well, at least there was one female team member that was being friendly to me. Agent Emily Prentiss didn't want to have anything to do with me. Penelope Garcia sat next to me and Spencer, and Jennifer began to pass out case files to everyone except Penelope. When she was done, she stood at the front of the room and popped up pictures of the 7 victims. "Well, he's defiantly disorganized." Agent Morgan said, Jennifer shook her head in agreement. "That's for sure. So far there have been 7 victims in Los Vegas, all chopped up, all eaten, and all dumped in a public place." Jennifer turned to Agent Hotchner. "The media is all over this."

"Any signs of sexual assault?" I asked, Spencer answered. "All of it was post-mortem."

"Los Vegas has one nasty killer on the loose." Agent Morgan sighed, turning to look at me. "So you're not an agent, you're not a profiler, and you don't carry a gun, tell me then, Freya, what do you do?"

"I catch people. People that do that-" I pointed at the screen "-to other people."

"And...you don't feel the need to carry a gun?"

"Violence solves nothing." I ignore Agent Morgan "This guy is a necrophiliac. I can help with a basic profile for him, but beyond that, all I can do is try to figure out his motive for his necrophilia." Spencer held up his figure and opened his mouth, but before words could escape his mouth, I continued talking. "Statics show that 68% of Necrophiliacs are motivated by a want for an unresisting partner, 21% want to reunite with a lost partner, 15% are motivated by a sexual attraction to a corpse, 15% by wanting to overcome feeling of isolation, and 12% by wanting to express power over a corpse."

As soon as those statistics left my lips, everyone in the room looked at me, then at Agent Hotchner, who felt the need to defend himself. "You thought I hired her because she has a pretty face? No, she has an IQ of 176 and one of her specialties is necrophilia."

"Wheels up first thing tomorrow." Agent Hotchner added, walking out of the room

My first case with the BAU. This was going to be interesting. I grabbed my stuff and hurried home to pack.

I knew that Nevada was a hot desert, so I packed light dresses, a hat, 2 pairs of sunglasses, 2 bottles of suntan lotion, and my parasol. I also knew that Nevada got cold at night, so I packed a light jacket, just in case. I also packed one dressy dress, in case we got some free time after the case. I put everything into a small suitcase, and put it by the door, so I could grab it without having to look for it later.

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Dear Diary,

June, 18th, 2010

I think that Jennifer might have lied to me about the paper work, but I don't care. We have a case in Los Vegas and we leave tomorrow. I'm slightly scared, but I know I have Spencer to protect me. I need to get some rest now, bye!

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**AN: Reviews are awsome :D Flames are good because they help me get better  
Sorry this chapter was so short, the next one will be bigger :D I promise**


	3. Chapter 3

Riiiiiinnnnggggg...Riiiiinnnnnnggggg!

My alarm clock went off. I checked the time, 6:00 a.m. Crap! I jumped out of bed, and ran to get dressed as fast as I could. I was supposed to be up at 5:00! When I had finished, I grabbed my bag, and headed for the airport. It took me a while to get there, but I finally made it. Oh god, it was a jet. I didn't know it was a jet! I can barley breath when I'm in a van and I'm supposed to live through a flight to Los Vegas in a jet filled with people? I sighed and took a deep breath before walking onto the jet. Spencer was sitting in a seat by a window, so I went over and sat next to him. Agent Prentiss and Jennifer sat across from us, which I didn't mind, because Jennifer seemed to concerned with whatever she was writing down on that sheet of paper, to start glaring at me. I wasn't going to confront her about the paperwork. I really didn't care. I tried to look like I was looking over the case file, but I couldn't. Spencer was sitting next to me. I didn't care that he was sitting next to me, and I wasn't distracted by it. No, I was distracted by what was in his hand. A cup of coffee.

Once the jet had taken off, everyone gathered around to discuss the case. I wasn't paying attention to the briefing. I stared out of the window the whole flight. Spencer looked concerned. My claustrophobia is something left of my past, which I would like to keep hidden. PTSD from getting locked in a dog cage for a couple days, thinking that I was going to die. Luckily, the local police department found me, but I've never gotten over the fear of small spaces. The jet was filled with everyone talking about the case, I was listening...kinda...nope. I wasn't listening, but I was thinking about who I would have to share a hotel room with, now. I doubt I would get my own, and I don't want to seem mean, but I don't want to share a room with Jennifer. She doesn't seem to like me. I was glad that I started to listen a bit, Agent Hotchner announced that him, Spencer, and me were going to take a look at the last dump site. Moments later, Jennifer announced the 'room buddies'. She read off a list.

"Morgan and Reid, me and Prentiss, and Hotch and Freya will share a room."

"Damn. Not again..." Derek Morgan whined after hearing the room buddies. "Come on, Morgan, I'm not that bad." Spencer said, trying not to start laughing.

"Yes. You are Reid. You kick me, steal all my blankets, and then roll onto the floor with the blankets."

"I don't do that."

"Yes. You do."

"Then wouldn't I wake up on the floor?"

"Reid, you weigh, like, 60 pounds and-"

"Ok, that's enough." Agent Hotchner said, which caused them to both back down.

Oh no, I have to share a room with Agent Hotchner, my boss. This was going to be awkward. I guess Agent Rossi paid for his own room so he wouldn't have to share with anyone. He had a good idea, I just don't want to waste my money on a hotel room that I would be using for a week or so, when I could share a room with someone for free. That meant that no creeper could break into my room and abduct me during the night without anyone noticing.

The jet was getting ready to land, so I took a quick look at the crime scene I would have to go to, then I continued to look out the window, and away from the small space that was the BAU jet.

I guess the FBI provided us with cars, because there were four cars waiting for us on the runway. I followed Spencer and Agent Hotchner to one of the cars, it was apparent that Agent Hotchner was going to drive, but who was going to sit in the passenger's seat. "Freya, do you want to sit in passenger's seat because I can sit in the back, if you want-" Spencer started to ramble, but I cut him off.

"I'll sit in the back. Bigger space. You can sit in the passenger's seat Spencer." I said, as Spencer opened the side door for me and closed it after I got in. I placed my bag on the seat next to me, so I could get into the bag and grab the suntan lotion, which, now that I think about it, could have been put on while I was on the jet. The crime scene was an hour away from the airport, so I put on my sun screen as we drove. No one felt the need to ask what I was putting on, I was as pale as a sheet, and that wasn't from my claustrophobia, in the Nevada heat, I would look like a lobster in a matter of minutes. When I was finished, I offered some sun screen to Spencer and Agent Hotchner. They didn't want it, so I put it back in my bag, and began looking over the case file again, looking for something that anyone, even me, might have missed. While I was looking over the case file, I came to realize why Spencer and Agent Hotchner turned the sun screen down. It was a special kind that made your skin sparkle in the sunlight, I guess they didn't feel like sparkling in the Nevada sun. I had to admit, it was making me look like Edward from Twilight every time the sun hit me.

When we got to the crime scene, some of the local police men were waiting for us. Spencer opened the car door for me. I thanked him and stepped out of the car, put on my sunglasses, and opened my parasol. It had to be almost 90° out here. I checked my cell phone, no service. I wrote that down on my hand, just in case. It could be important. You never know when the lack of cell phone service at a crime scene could be a problem. I looked around. Spencer and Agent Hotchner had already walked over to what was left of the body. It was thrown on a cactus. I wrote that down too. I just had to say it. "Poor cactus..." I muttered under my breath, immediately regretting it and flaming a hand over my mouth. Agent Hotchner ignored the comment, but Spencer gave me an odd look. I apologized and moved to get a closer look at the victim. Well, figure prints and dental records were out of the picture. The LEOs would have to run DNA. I walked around the cactus as Spencer and Agent Hotchner were profiling the scene. "Crap..." I said, getting the attention of both men. I pointed to an odd marking on the left side of the cactus. It was a small crescent moon that had been drawn in blood. This guy, was defiantly a serial killer. I had seen this moon before...

~Flash Back~

It was dark and rainy, I could feel the rain, but I couldn't see it, the blind fold keeping me from seeing my captor. He would come soon, to take me to the cage, then I would be able to see the weather. The weather and the sky were the only things that were keeping me from giving up. I knew that if I gave up, I would never get to see the beautiful sky ever again.

A few hours later, I was moved to the cage, and the blind fold was taken off. He was wearing a mask that frightened me. I looked around outside of my small cage. A basement or an abandoned building maybe? I don't know. I looked to the wall to my left. That was when I saw it. A crescent moon drawn in blood…


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